Do these goggles make me look fat?

Sometimes a guy just has to dress up and wave his freak flag around for all to see. My mom and dad understand this and allow me to experiment. Here's a photo of me being a diva (divo??) ... I'm wearin' my "doggles" and hanging out under an umbrella so that I don't get too terribly tanned. Mom claims that I look like a French Contessa ... Doesn't she realize that I'm a BOY??